Friends and Family ..... Do we need them?!

Todays post comes from a mix of 2 things. Firstly I read an article today about people with BPD and friends ..... anyone with BPD will understand what a minefield that is. Secondly is because this time next year I would have just got married so we have recently been discussing guest lists.

My OH is neurotypical. He has never had any mental health problems. The things he has coped with in his life amazes me ..... the things that have got me sectioned, he would just takes in his stride. Don't get me wrong, he has had situational depression such as when his wife died but his mental health has remained fully in tact. We have many things in common and one of the main ones is our dislike of people! My reason for this is without doubt the BPD. His reason is just people most people annoy him!

This made writing our guest list very easy. As few people as possible. At first it was 12 with the possibility of it being 15 if people brought a plus one. Then his eldest daughter decided she wasn't coming so that's her and our granddaughter off the list taking it down to 10 with the chance of 2 plus ones.

My OH has found it difficult to explain to his family that they are not invited. In fact he hasn't actually told them yet, just warned them that it will be small so not everyone will be invited. Luckily his dad and sister are similar to him so will understand. His mum might be a little put out but she will get over it.

I've not even told my family that we have booked the wedding. Close isn't a word I would use to describe us. They wont be shocked to hear they are not invited.

I have to admit that I don't think I feel the same towards my family as most people feel towards theirs. I have no idea if this is BPD related or not. It would be very easy for me to blame them for us not being close but I don't think blame will help anyone. I feel I am seen as the black sheep of the family ..... but I suspect it is the BPD that makes me feel that way. Both my mum and dad have remarried and I do not get along with either of their partners. They are nice enough people I guess, I just don't like them. But I feel that way about most people to be fair!

I have one amazingly close friend. At the moment we are going through a stage of hardly talking. We do that. We have a year when we do everything together and talk every day and then a year of hardly talking at all, maybe one message a month to check we are alive! I know, without any doubt at all, she would drop everything if I needed her. I have never feared her abandoning me and I have never felt jealous about other friends or men in her life. I think she has made it so clear that she understands and that she is here to stay that I have no reason to doubt her.

I am also very close to my 'fairy god daughter' (I am not religious so refused to be her god mother on principle). Her mother was my best mate for 15 years. My god daughter says she was brought up by her mum and me. Unfortunately her mother let me down and we lost our friendship. However I have stayed close to my fairy god daughter and she will be at the wedding. On a side note, after a few years of not talking, her mother and I are now on speaking terms but will never be close again.

That's it though. My grand total of 2 friends, one of which is more a daughter than a friend. Over the years there have been many people who I have called friends but they don't stay around long. Its probably my fault just as much as theirs. One thing that really sticks in my mind is this ...... I once worked in the same office for 7 years. During that time I went to many leaving, birthday, maternity parties despite it not really being my thing. When it was my turn to leave I had 3 people show up, out of around 60. Since then I trust no one. I thought they liked me.

So do we need family and friends? I guess everyone will answer differently. I think we all need someone. It could be a partner, a friend, a family member. Just someone who we trust and can turn to. And in the back of my BPD head I think we also need a second someone ..... who can pick up the pieces if anything happens to the first someone. But that might just be me and my fear of being totally alone. For me, I don't need my family; by that I mean parents and siblings. I do need my man and my best friend. And of course our kids but that's a totally different subject and one I will leave for another day!

So TTFN
K x