How do you help a child who wont try?

Its been almost a week since I last wrote. I didn't realise it was that long; there has been a lot of negative stuff going on and I didn't want to post about only bad things! However today I just need to get some stuff out my head.

As I've mentioned before, my 12 year old step daughter, Lizzie, is severely dyslexic and has mild learning difficulties. Mentally she is probably about 7 years old. Her mum would not acknowledge there was anything wrong so instead just did everything for her and accepted no help from the school. Hence Lizzie is now a 12 year old who doesn't have any life skills and doesn't understand why she needs to do things for herself. She just wont try.

I have been her step mum for a year and was a close family friend for a few years before that. She was best friends with my 12 year old daughter. I have always encouraged her to do things for herself and before I was her step mum she did co-operate. Now I am just seen as the evil witch who is forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do! Her dad fully backs me up but she sees him as just trying to keep me happy rather than trying to help her learn.

Her new school have been a great help. She gets support in classes and has extra lessons in the learning support department instead of taking a language. Today she came home with play doh she had made .... she was overjoyed! Her home learning is simplified for her and she is encouraged to attend home learning club on Wednesday and Friday lunch times. This came about due to the amount of tantrums we had at home whenever we tried to get her to do it.

Homework was the nail in the coffin today. She had tested my patience since she got home from school and her refusal to even try and do her homework resulted in her being sent upstairs until her dad got home. As soon as he got home I turned into a gibbering crying wreak about how crap I am as a step mum and housewife. Poor guy probably wanted to go back to work!!

I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to parent a child with learning difficulties. I have worked with young adults with LD's before, supporting them to live independently. But they wanted to learn and they tried their hardest. Yes, it took time and effort to get them to learn and remember it but they tried. Lizzie wont try.

Maybe I am too harsh on her. Maybe I expect too much. I have nothing to compare it to so I have no idea. My 12 year old is totally different but she has been brought up to do things herself and take pride.

I know she finds everything difficult. I accept that. What I can't accept is that, because she finds it difficult, she just can't be bothered. She expects someone else to do it. I don't know how to teach her to try. Everything I have done hasn't worked. I have ran out of options.

She has a doctors appointment in 2 weeks to discuss a referral to CAMHS due to her self harming and we have a meeting with the school a week after to discuss her in general. She will need to see the Educational Psychologist too. I have an emergency appointment with my doctor on Tuesday as this, on top of my ongoing medical problems, is pushing my mental health to its limit. I am classed as a high suicide risk so have to see a doctor as soon as I start to feel the strain .... and boy did I start feeling it today. Over the years I have learnt how much I can handle before tipping over to the dark side so I am usually able to get to the doctor before anything bad happens.

If anyone has any experience that could help me or knows anywhere I can turn then please please please message me.

I promise I will write a happier post soon!
TTFN
K